Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
