if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
