I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
