So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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