If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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