He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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