this just has baby written all over it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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