dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
