cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
