i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
