My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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