the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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