Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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