Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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