I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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