My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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