So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
