so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
