his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
