Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
