Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
