things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize