Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
soo... how was my night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
