Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
