Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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