i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
