oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So much rum. So many feels.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
