my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
