sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
