3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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