mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
