I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize