His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
