Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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