someone threw a dead crab at me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
