tonight lets celebrate not being married
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I pour the whiskey from now on
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
