i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
