Got a toothbrush?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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