i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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