look no pants
I smell stomach acid.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
