I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
