He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
