Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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