I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
