i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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