Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
