Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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