So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
