my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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