If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize