I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want to make out with him forever
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
