Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
