At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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