the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
