I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
