every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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