I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
