So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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