Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You're like the curious george of whores
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
