I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
