I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
