I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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