I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
