some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
