last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
